Sunday, 22 September 2013

A Predictable Rant from a United Fan

I 4-1 would not like to be a Manchester United fan by now.

Sure, not the most creative wordplay ever made but it describes what most United fans feel like right after their humiliation of neighbors Manchester City at Etihad. A poor performance from back to front, they were lucky not to lose more than the 4-1 scoreline suggested.
Fig 1. United talisman Robin van Persie
United were without lead goalscorer Robin van Persie who was injured. In his place, Danny Welbeck gets a start, but he was ineffective for most parts of the game. Manchester United looked very blunt without the Dutch striker and it seems at times Wayne Rooney was driving the team forward on his own. No RvP, no party.

Enough with the background. Let us start the ranting shall we?

Let us start from the most worrying aspect of the team; the wingers. Antonio Valencia and Ashley Young. One is more right-sided than a hardcore Republican, the other confuses a swimming pool with a penalty box. I am amazed how they are still getting game time when we almost lost the league last season because of our lack-lustured wingers. Valencia reverting to his old #25 shirt did not convert to his old form, while Ashley Young has done absolutely nothing since his double against Arsenal 3 YEARS AGO in that 8-2 win at Old Trafford.
Fig 2. Antonio Valencia and Ashley Young, in their better playing days.
It is amazing how Wilfried Zaha and Adnan Januzaj, who impressed in pre-season, did not even make the bench. We still even have Nani, the least disappointing winger last season, and he didn't move from the dugout. Manager David Moyes should try and give these three players more chances then Valencia and Young. Heck, I saw the Indonesia U-19s match before this and their wingers were MORE effective then what I witnessed at Etihad.

Most United fans would argue that Shinji Kagawa needs to play too. He has shown what he could do back in his Dortmund days and glimpses of that talent came out last season when he wasn't injured that much. Marouane Fellaini sure is a physical player, but the Japanese playmaker would give the team more creativity - a thing that lacked so much in the Manchester derby. Kagawa isn't even a winger and I bet that he would have given a better performance than Young or Valencia.
Fig 3. Shinji Kagawa pleading his case to be played.
Our defense was quite terrible as well. You don't leave out criticism for the defenders if you concede 4 goals. The marking was poor, the efforts were woeful, and the organization was just as bad. Rio Ferdinand might have the experience, but his legs aren't quite what they used to be. Nemanja Vidic has always been a brick wall, but he was beaten time and time again by Sergio Aguero and Alvaro Negredo. Not to mention the declining Patrice Evra or the unlucky Chris Smalling on left-back and right-back respectively. Moyes, again, has a lot of homework to do.

During the match, after conceding a fourth, in need of goals, Moyes decides to bring on Tom Cleverley for the ineffective Ashley Young. I think Cleverley is a great player, but not a player you rely on to make or score a goal. Considering Moyes had Kagawa, Nani, and Javier Hernandez as well on the bench, he puts Cleverley. What's worse was that was the only substitution David Moyes made in the game. It reminded me when England was trailing Germany 1-4 back in 2010 at the last World Cup, when they were in search of goals, then-England Manager Fabio Capello introduced Emile Heskey. A player DEFINITELY not known for his goalscoring prowess.

Fig 4. David Moyes looking sharp as ever.
At times like these, it is easy to blame the gaffer for everything. Sure, Rome wasn't built in a day, but the people would like to see progress. I am definitely behind David Moyes and his tenure here, and I would like to give him time to impress me. But if United keep playing like this for the rest of the season, he needs to change this team from back to front.

But credit is where credit is due, Manchester City had a fine evening. The interchanging of Aguero, Negredo, Samir Nasri, and Jesus Navas were great. They have the greatest spines in England with Joe Hart in goal, Vincent Kompany at the back, Yaya Toure in the middle, and Aguero on top. They will be devastated if they don't win the league, while United will be lucky enough to finish third. Congratulations to Manchester City for taking the bragging rights in town.

Thursday, 11 July 2013

Stubborn Guardiola and Thiago Alcantara

There's a popular saying that that men will always seek improvements since they are never content. Another popular quote is that sometimes the grass is always greener on the other side. But there is also another saying that too much of anything is never good. This is not an attempt to write a philosophical article, it's just that it seemed like the best way to open this particular piece.

Fig 1. Thiago Alcantara
Pep Guardiola - the new Manager of treble-winning German side Bayern Munich - declared his interest in signing Spain wonderboy Thiago Alcantara from his former employers Barcelona and is very keen on signing him. Although nothing is official yet as of the writing of this piece, reports have said that he is close to sign a 4-year contract.

I'm going to be mainstream on this article and say that I do not approve this move at all. Not because of being a United fan and is pissed that he would rather go to Allianz instead of Old Trafford, but because of the wealth of talent in midfield Bayern already have in their locker room. This side has a squad depth in every department which makes even Real Madrid and Barcelona jealous of. The last thing either of those clubs would want to do is strengthen the Champions League holders.

Fig 2. Bayern Munich's Champions League Final Line-up
Above is the line-up former Manager Jupp Heynckes fielded at Bayern's last season's Champions League Final. Note that classy defender Holger Badstuber and midfield maestro Toni Kroos were out injured. The team that played brilliantly against Borrussia Dortmund wasn't even their best team and still were able to win. Javi Martinez, who tackled and passed the whole night, was covered by Bastian Schweinsteiger, who played in front of the defense, were a perfect compliment to the hard working mentality of Thomas Muller that night, who also had the flair of Arjen Robben and Franck Ribery on each flank - the former scoring the winning goal and made another - nicely foiled their main striker Mario Mandzukic for every chance that came his way. Again I will state, this is not their strongest team. Kroos' absence shows how well of a team Bayern actually created.

Lest you forget that Luis Gustavo's name has not even been mentioned yet. The Brazilian was part of a strong, mobile midfield trio that won last month's Confederations Cup, and even he only made it on the pitch at that final in the 90th minute. Swiss winger Xherdan Shaqiri also was on the bench but he didn't even make on to the pitch. Oh yeah, I must have neglected to tell you that they also signed Mario Gotze this summer. So those 5 spots in midfield will be challenged by 9 world class internationals. The last thing they want is more competition. Oh hang on...

Fig 3. Pep Guardiola
Thiago may not be first choice back at Nou Camp, but the aging pair of Xavi and Andres Iniesta should give him more first-team chances next season. It's hard enough to get into the first team at Barcelona, let alone at Bayern. Their midfield is so blessed with talent, you can't help but say "too many midfielders is not good". 

Guardiola though claimed to the press that he promises Thiago will be a mainstay in the Bavarian's midfield. Okay, he's the one who has 47 caps as a player for Spain and won 15 trophies as a Manager, but with all the stars in his FC Hollywood, he still is keen on a fringe player in Barcelona. Even if my Football Manager CV is way better, it does not count as valid grounds that I am better than him, but of course I'm skeptic over this potential purchase.

Pep admitted that with the possible purchase of Thiago, Javi Martinez would be put in defense where he could emulate his days at Bilbao as a ball-playing defender. It seems like it solves a problem, but it doesn't. Bayern's defence was the strongest, only conceding 18 league goals all season. If Martinez were to play in at the back, who gets to sit on the bench? Dante or Badstuber? Jerome Boateng is like the first choice back-up in defence as he could play anywhere in the backline. His chances may be limited now with this choice of tactic. New signing of young defender Jan Kirchhoff would seem like a waste now if this were true.

Fig 4. Javi Martinez
Another problem with the potential arrival of Thiago is who would partner him, who moves into a different position, who goes to the bench, or who might just leave anyway. With Pep's admittance of Thiago being a key player, he might certainly partner Bastian Schweinsteiger, who could be the 'Busquets' of Pep's formation where he sits in front of the back four, straying magical passes between the opponents, and do his business thoroughly. This will leave Thiago to become the playmaker of the team, a sight which everyone wants to see after his amazing performance in the last Euro U21 competition where he was awarded 'Best Player of the Tournament' after a hat-trick in the final against Italy. Toni Kroos looks to be the best possible personnel between Schweinsteiger and Thiago, not to mention his dead ball skills would be handy.

Since Guardiola loves a man who works like a horse (in a professional way, not the literal meaning), then Thomas Muller would most likely be the man playing on the right-flank, a position that made him famous whilst playing for Germany in the 2010 World Cup. New signing Mario Gotze in my personal opinion would not be a bench-warmer at Munich as Pep - I believe - will play on the left-flank where Ribery is usually played. I expect both wings would get lots of rotation so the likes of Robben and Shaqiri would stay happy.

Fig 5. Thomas Muller (left) and Toni Kroos (right)
The assurance of an out-and-out striker in this team is never guaranteed. Even Mario Gomez has left the club and joined Fiorentina, leaving only Mario Mandzukic and Claudio Pizarro as the only recognized forwards in the first team. Guardiola's system never used a type of target-man type of striker, but Mandzukic isn't one of that despite of his stature being an ideal type of a target-man. Mandzukic is the type of forward that could lead the line by himself, but will come deep to get the ball, run around channels, set up shots for himself and others, and will pop up for a tap in/header. He might be given a go from the Manager, but during the season progresses, I predict Pep will eventually put Muller up front and put either Ribery or Robben on the spare wings. Since all of his wingers can play both flanks, this would not be much of a problem.

This leaves Luis Gustavo without any role in the team. He might be a key player for Brazil, but it seems that he will have difficulty breaking in to this team. What a luxury it may be to have a back-up player such as Gustavo, but if Thiago's move becomes a reality, Gustavo might think of seeking new pastures in order to keep his place in the Brazil squad that will host next year's World Cup.

Fig 6. Potential Bayern Munich Line-up 2013-2014
From this not-so-in-depth tactical analysis, Thiago's potential move to Bayern may work, but the balance of the club would take a huge plunge. We know he's got the talent to do so, but competition for places at Allianz ArenA is far tighter than at Nou Camp. If would not be a loss for either Bayern or Barcelona if he were to stay put, but it could be a potential loss for both sides if the move would happen. If he were to move, it is better if he actually transferred to a team where he would be the biggest star of them all. But if he does sign for Pep's new club, I would love to both Pep and Thiago to prove me wrong.

Monday, 29 April 2013

My "Non-PFA Team of the Year" Team of the Year.

Eleven names has been announced by the PFA to fill up their annual "Team of the Year" awarded to players who has shone the brightest this season. As expected, the team is filled up by big names and best players. Of course there are names that was not included in this team. Here are the players that myself would put in a "Team of the Year" and names that were listed in the original PFA XI are not in consideration.


Original PFA's choice: David De Gea (Manchester United)

De Gea has been outstanding this year, but Lloris has impressed me a lot. Ever since he finally took Brad Friedel's place in the Spurs line-up, the French goalie has been very well in reading the game. Turns out AVB's decision to let Hugo analyze the Premier League from the bench for the first few games was a good decision after all.

Right back:

Original PFA's choice: Pablo Zabaleta (Manchester City)

I expected Zabaleta to be in the official TOTY, but Rafael deserves more than just an honorable mention. With all the United wingers playing like [insert swear word here], the boy from Brazil is the one who is bombing down the wings for them.

Center back:

Original PFA's choice: Rio Ferdinand (Manchester United) & Jan Vertonghen (Tottenham Hotspur)

Vertonghen has been the best defender this season, but Nastastic would have been a more deserving partner in the PFA XI. No offence to Rio. being snubbed by Woy has showed how his 'footballing reasons' were a bunch of [insert another swear word here], but Nastasic, who has just turned 20 this March, showed as much calmness as Rio has this season. David Luiz? Well he definitely knows more than a 5 year-old FIFA player in defending.

Left back:

Original PFA's choice: Leighton Baines (Everton)

Baines has been the best left-back in the league for the past few years now, but there is still a reason why Ashley Cole is still England's first choice in that position for the national team. Despite what most Arsenal fans would say, he's a living legend. This season is no different, and he deserves this mention. Speaking of Arsenal...

Right Wing:

Original PFA's choice: Eden Hazard (Chelsea)

Even if his name's pronunciation is debatable, there is no question he has been the best player Arsenal has this season. Hazard has been hot and cold all season, but Santi has been consistently playing good. He surely merits a PFA XI inclusion.


Original PFA's choice: Juan Mata (Chelsea) & Michael Carrick (Manchester United)

Michu is 'Signing of the Season' in terms of financing factors, while Dembele has been the Londoners motor in the middle of the park. Their exclusion is just a pity that Michael Carrick and Juan Mata exists. It is hard to debate on that.

Left Wing:

Original PFA's choice: Gareth Bale (Tottenham Hotspur)

It was hard for me to find someone to challenge what Gareth Bale has done this season from the left flank, but it was either Pablo or Pienaar who can come closest to being impressive from there. Me choosing Pablo is sorely based on how he easily replaced Scott Sinclair in the Swansea attack. I almost forgot that Sinclair is at City now.


Original PFA's choice: Luis Suarez (Liverpool) & Robin van Persie (Manchester United)

Both Suarez and van Persie being overlooked for the PFA Player of the Year award was a bit tragic. No striker has been more influential than these strikers, so for 2 strikers to be in this team other than them was more of a challenge for me.

Let me just say that Rickie Lambert is like a Grant Holt with ball skills and a more clinical shot in him, while Benteke is like Bent, but longer. Try to understand that joke. But in seriousness, both The Saints and The Villains respectively would not imagine if their star goalscorer would leave. Lets just leave it to that.

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Flying Without Wings

As a United fan myself, I have to be pleased that we have an enormous 15 point lead over closest rivals in the league. Sure, we're disappointed that we have come short in the other competitions. And not so different from last night where we lost to Chelsea 0-1 in an FA Cup Quarterfinal replay. This season could have been a lot better if this plane could actually fly. Yes, our wingers are totally . Oh, I am a United fan. But when I see a poor performance, I will admit it.

Fig 1. Ashley 'can curl a ball but not to a striker's head or the back of the net' Young
Barring Giggs, Kagawa and Cleverley, we have only 3 first-team natural wingers. All three has not been impressing. Antonio Valencia is so right sided he could hop on one leg and still be as fast as he runs. Ashley Young looks like he is our personal Stewart Downing. While Nani is being, well... Nani. Frustrating as it is, it is the best we got.

Fig 2. Antonio 'better amputate my left leg' Valencia
Sad thing is though, United rely heavily on their wingers since forever. From George Best to Cristiano Ronaldo, Ferguson's best plays have come from their wingers. You're now reading this and surely think "you can't compare your current crop of players with those names?". In fact, how can you NOT compare? When you experienced consistency and glamour, of course you wouldn't be content with inconsistency and absolute bull.

Fig 3. Luis 'can't make a decent pass so rather not' Nani
I know United are on top of the league and could win it even before the end of the season, but I am not entirely pleased. Seeing how bad our wingers have been, the stats don't lie. I can compare how bad they have been with how 20M Liverpool-flop Stewart Downing has been this season. Left Wing Jesus over there has already scored 3 times in the league. Can anyone here guess how many league goals have been scored by Young, Valencia and Nani up until this day? Only 1. From Nani. I bet all the Liverpool fans are laughing right now.

Fig 4. Stewart 'and they said I was awful' Downing
How Sir Alex could keep Manchester United in first spot without the help of any good wingers is quite astonishing. Or maybe just replace the words "Sir Alex" with "Robin van Persie" from the previous sentence, and you get a more believable answer. In all seriousness, we will not compete with the wingers we have right now next season.

So far, Fergie has resorted to using other players on the wings when it really mattered. Ryan Giggs was the best winger in England for a while, and although age has caught up with him, he's used sparringly and is often employed in the heart of the team. Shinji Kagawa has done a decent role on the left too, but he is no winger. Danny Welbeck is another player who has been deployed on a couple occasions to start on the right wing ahead of TonyV7, but his goals has dried up ever since. These players can't always be relied on to fill up the flanks.

I look at envy towards the wings at City, Chelsea, Arsenal, Spurs, and even Liverpool (which I don't normally do) when they have players who consistently put in decent performances and coming up with the goods. I see Silva, Mata, Hazard, Walcott, Podolski, Bale, and even Sterling, and I see any of them would walk straight into the United set-up. At least they are look more dangerous and don't run into every defender against them instead of looking for a pass (I'm looking at you, Nani).

Fig 5. "Don't Cha wish your winger was Po-Dol-Ski?"

I'm not here saying that we should sell the wingers. I've seen them at their highs. I'm here to say that if they really are at a world-class club, at least act like you belong to one. And so far from what I'm seeing this season, you're no different to the likes of Michael Kightly and James McClean. If you can't reach the same heights of your peak, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Bebe doesn't seem such a flop now, does it?

To be honest, I did not plan on how to close this article. All I know is that next year, I wish Wilfried Zaha to rather be more of a Walcott than a Pennant.

Thursday, 31 January 2013

2013 January Transfer round-up: Conversation Style

I made a similar version of it 2 years ago. I had fun writing it last time, I just wanted to do it again. I didnt do one last year because there weren't many transfers going on last January.

I'm not really good at intros, but here is a round up of the biggest transfers this January in a conversation style.

Demba Ba (from Newcastle) £7M to Chelsea

Newcastle fan: "How could you?? I mean, how could Newcastle let their star striker go... AGAIN?"
Chelsea fan: "Finally!! A striker that can actually score goals..."
Neutral: "Aren't you forgetting Sturridge is pretty decent?"
Chelsea fan: "If he passed the ball more often now and again, then yeah. But I'd rather see him leave."

Daniel Sturridge (from Chelsea) £13.5M to Liverpool

Chelsea fan: "HAH. A young English player signs for Liverpool with an overpriced fee. How new."
Neutral: "I actually think he might be one of the few ones in the last few years that may succeed at Anfield."
Liverpool fan: "Of course he will! With Suarez, Sturridge, and Borini up front, and Sterling being more experienced... Next year will definitely be ours!"
Neutral: "Here we go again..."

Bebe (from Manchester United) loan to Rio Ave

United fan: "Wait... he still plays for us?"
Neutral: " Well not anymore... he just scored on his debut for Rio Ave. Ain't that something you don't see everyday?"
United fan: "Hey, flop or not, at least he has more Premier League medals than Gerrard does lol."

Maroune Chamakh (from Arsenal) loan to West Ham

West Ham fan: "Oh God, why us?? We have Carroll and Chamakh in the same team. Can't get any worse than that..."
Neutral: "Oh you just wait and see who's coming in now."

Joe Cole (from Liverpool) free to West Ham

West Ham fan: "Really? He surely has already past his best. What is Big Sam doing?"
Neutral: "Cheer up, lad. I actually think him coming back to Hammers could spark better form. At least you didn't get Downing."
West Ham fan: "Let's hope so. He's better than Downing I guess."

Ezekiel Fryers (from Standard Liege) £6M to Spurs

United fan: "Wait, I thought he moved there last summer?"
Spurs fan: "No he didn't he moved to Liege instead. He's homesick now so we offered him a trip back. Besides, we're lacking at left-back anyways."

Lewis Holtby (from Schalke) free to Spurs. Set to join in July.

Neutral: "I certainly did not see this one coming. Getting someone like him on a free?? His name had Everton or Arsenal written all over him. What a bargain."
Spurs fan: "I can't believe it myself. But aren't we crowded in midfield now anyway?"
Neutral: "I'm sure he's better than Livermore, Parker, Huddlestone, Sandro anyway. If you got him like immediately, St. Totteringhams Day won't happen this year."
Spurs fan: "Haha, I do hope it won't happen this year. We are doing great, but i reckon Holtby would definitely improve this squad. Can't wait to July."

Giuseppe Rossi (from Villarreal) €10M to Fiorentina

Neutral: "Isn't he still injured?"
Fiorentina fan: "Yeah, he is. A big gamble for someone who hasn't played any football for over a year."
Neutral: "When was his last game?"
Fiorentina fan: "More than a year I suppose? Italy could really used his help in the last Euros you know. I'm not sure he'll be as good as before his injury woes. But here's me crossing my fingers for good luck."

Alexandre Pato (from AC Milan) €15M to Corinthians

Milan fan: "It was probably best for everyone. Hate to see a great talent go to waste because of injuries galore. And when he was fit, he always look like a shadow of his past self."
Neutral: "I know, but aren't they going to find a new striker to replace him?"
Milan fan: "I'm not sure, we'll see at the end of the transfer window."

Mathieu Debuchy (from Lille), Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa (from Montpellier), Yoann Gouffran (from Bordeaux), Massadio Haidara (from Nancy), and Moussa Sissoko (from Toulouse) combined fee of £18M to Newcastle.

Neutral: "Holy shhht those are a lot of players from France. Has Alan Pardew taken advice from Arsene Wenger or some sort?"
Newcastle fan: "They are actually good players. Debuchy played for France in the Euros, Yanga-Mbiwa won Ligue 1 last year, and Gouffran & Sissoko are monsters on FM so I'm quite familiar. Not really sure of Haidara though, never seen him play."
Neutral: "Yeah but why French players??"
Newcastle fan: "Because we can? We still got some of that Carroll money. And buy the way, turns out selling Carroll was the best thing Mike Ashley has done financially. I've eaten my words from 2 years back."
Neutral: "But aren't you disappointed you didn't sign Loic Remy?"

Loic Remy (from Marseille) £8M to QPR

Newcastle fan: "Yeah, I'm generally let down by it. But Gouffran isn't that bad either. Jonas & Ben Arfa coming back in, Sissoko, Cabaye and Tiote in the middle... I just hope our fortunes become better."

Yann M'Vila (from Rennes) £9.6M to Rubin Kazan

Neutral: "Just 6 months ago, he was chased by Arsenal and Spurs to name a few. Now he left Rennes as an outcast for his behavior outside the club."
Arsenal fan: "Yeah, turns out he isn't much of a professional and actually I'm glad he didn't sign for us last summer. Monsieur Arsene certainly knows best."

Nuri Sahin (from Real Madrid) back from Liverpool, loan to Dortmund

Liverpool fan: "Thank God he's out. Barely even looked like any of the hype around him 2 years ago."
Madrid fan: "I know, how could a player like him be behind a team with Shelvey and Henderson is beyond me."
Neutral: "Well at least now Dortmund has their star player back for free after selling for a ton load of money. That's business right there."

Wesley Sneijder (from Inter) €7.5M to Galatarasay

Liverpool fan: "Really?? Rather than playing in the BPL, he picks Turkey over us? Must be the money."
Neutral: "Why are you so delusional? Gala is still in the Champions League, top of the Turkish league, and if you're talking about fans of the club, they have a better local fanbase than they have at Anfield. It's not always about the money."
United fan: "Really? Tell him that 2 years ago..."

Nicolas Anelka and Didier Drogba (both Shanghai Shenhua) loan to Juventus and free to Galatasary, respectively

Chelsea fan: "What? They got bored in China?"
Neutral: "I guess. Despite having Drogba and Anelka up front, they only managed a mid-table finish in an obscure Chinese League."
Chelsea fan: "Really? I can see why they left now."
Juventus fan: "Besides, we at least have a better striker up front now."
Neutral: "Thats what you said last time with Bendtner... and Matri... and Amauri."
Juventus fan: "You'll see! We're going to win it again!"

Lewis Holtby (from Schalke) £1.5M to Spurs, immediate permanent.

Neutral: "Getting for free for next season is already amazing... but getting him now? With 5% of what Andy Carroll cost is amazing business!"
Spurs fan: "Well, we had to do it with Sandro out for the season. But I can't stress out how important for Spurs to get a striker now than another midfielder. We're more packed than the Gooners in midfield..."
Neutral: "Don't worry. You'll secure 4th place now this time above Arsenal lol."

Emmanuel Frimpong (from Arsenal) loan to Fulham

Neutral: "I seriously have no opinion on this loan deal. So let's LEAVE IT YEAAAAH."
Arsenal fan: "Dude, that was not Dench at all..."
Neutral: "... I'll get my coat. Where's the cab?"

Diego Lopez (from Sevilla) €3.5M to Real Madrid

Madrid fan: "Phew... so relieved at least when Casillas is injured, we have someone more than capable to step in his gloves."
Neutral: "Agreed. And Lopez being a Castilla trainee and Casillas' understudy for years puts a little more incentive to it, don't you think?"
Madrid fan: "Of course it does. It's a shame Adan won't get a look in to the team anymore with this signing."

Cristian Zaccardo (from Parma) and Djamel Mesbah (from AC Milan) swap deal

Milan fan: "Zaccardo being a World Cup winner and all is pretty good. But we need a striker for Christ sake."

Mario Balotelli (from Man City) €20M to AC Milan

Milan fan: "Much better. Now we have someone to play El Shaarawy with, we will be back in the top 3 in no time."
Neutral: "Aren't you even a little bit worried with Balotelli's attitude though? He does have quite a reputation."
City fan: "Yeah, even I'm happy he's gone. Only 1 goal this season for a player who shone at the Euro's is really disappointing."
Milan fan: "#YOLO"

Vegard Forren (from Molde) £4M to Southampton

Liverpool fan: "What? he was having a trial at Liverpool! And he left us just like that?"
United fan: "Hah! You know he was advised to move to Southampton rather than Liverpool by his manager back at Molde?"
Neutral: "Oh yeah? Whose the manager?"
United fan: "Just the one and only Ole Gunnar Solksjaer! Forren made the wise choice hahaha"
Liverpool fan: "I hate him so much right now..."

Federico Macheda (from Manchester United) loan to Stuttgart

Neutral: "Gosh, what happened to him?"
United fan: "He went on loan to a few clubs but they always sacked their manager afterwards and he was always out of favor with his newer managers. When he came back to United, he always managed to put in a great pre-season but with an attack line-up United has, it's impossible to get a look in."
Neutral: "Well, are you happy with this loan deal?"
United fan: "I'm not sure. I mean it's good he has a better chance of first team football, but it's sad to see another talent wasted."

Phillipe Coutinho (from Inter) £8M to Liverpool

Liverpool fan: "See! With Gerrard, Suarez, Sterling, Sturridge, and now him... I know it's too late for a push this year, but next year will definitely be our year!!"
Neutral: "Enough! We know he's good. But the thing here is that they sold 2 of their most creative players this window and in no sign of replacing them. And didn't Stramaccioni he wanted to focus on youngsters?"
Inter fan: "He did. And Coutinho is like the one of our best young players. I think it's not a good move from Inter's POV. But yeah, he didn't get enough game time, so I can see why he left."

Yun Suk-Young (from Chunma Dragons) undisclosed fee to QPR

Neutral: "... I'm sorry, who?"

Chris Samba (from Anzhi) £12.5M to QPR

Neutral: "Well I know him! With Ryan Nelsen leaving to coach in the MLS, having a way better defender is definitely going to help Harry's side. He is definitely what Harry would say, 'a top, top, t'riffic player' in Samba."

Jack Butland (from Birmingham) £3.75M to Stoke, loaned back until the end of the season.

Neutral: "Did you know that Birmingham's goalkeeping coach said he was the best goalkeeper he has ever worked with?"
Chelsea fan: "What does that imply?"
Neutral: "He has worked with Joe Hart AND Ben Foster in the past. And by saying Butland's better than both of them is quite a compliment. He will challenge Joe Hart for the England spot for years to come."
Chelsea fan: "He could've moved to us when he had the chance. We offered him earlier!"
Neutral: "Dude, you got Cech. You also got that Belgian kid on loan at Atletico. Butland is smarter than that..."

Heurelho Gomes (from Spurs) loan to Hoffenheim

Neutral: "Wait... he's still with Spurs?"
Spurs fan: "Well now he isn't."
Neutral: "What was he like... fourth choice in goal all season? That's just sad for him. He isn't THAT bad..."
Spurs fan: "He isn't! He's just unlucky. But we won't miss him THAT much."

Ezequiel Schelotto (from Atalanta) €3M to Inter

Inter fan: "Well, not someone you would expect to replace Sneijder and Coutinho though. I mean he did last year, but not so good this season."
Neutral: "At least you got him on the cheap, yes?"
Inter fan: "I guess. We're only 6 points off of Juve, I just hope this Schelotto dude to be a bargain. and help us catch them."

Nacho Monreal (from Malaga) £9M to Arsenal

Neutral: "Why do I have a sudden craving of Doritos?"
Arsenal fan: "I'm happy at least Wenger DIPPED in the transfer window."
Neutral: "That is horrible. At least you couldve made a Nacho Libre reference instead?"
Arsenal fan: "Sorry... just stoked that we don't need to see Andre Santos at left back again!"
Neutral: "I forgot to ask you, what actually IS Andre Santos' best position?"
Arsenal fan: "He is best LBH?"
Neutral: "LBH?"
Arsenal fan: "Yep. Left-Back-Home"
Neutral: "That's a better joke lol"

David Beckham (from Los Angeles Galaxy) free to PSG
(saved the biggest transfer for the last :D)

United fan: "Man, we wanted him to go back to England. And it didn't have to be Manchester United though."
Neutral: "Tbf, he was more interested in the city he'll be moving to. He's lived in Madrid, LA, Milan, and trained every winter in London. Of course Paris was going to be his new club."
United fan: "Yeah, I just hope he kicks Barton's ass back in France and all the money he gets will be worth it."
Neutral: "But all of his wages are going to charity. Did you not know that?"
United fan: "Really? What a gentleman. Rarely we see these days a good looking man with a good heart as well."

End. Finally, those were the transfers that mattered to me the most. Imagine what would happen if Odemwingie and Diame actually moved. Which of these conversations were the most interesting?